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Big Kahuna
Lieutenant
Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 219
Location: SE Texas
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 Posted: Sat May 22, 2004 7:12 pm Post subject: Kerry Says “Don’t Be Fooled By Prosperity” |
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Paris - Democrat presidential candidate John F. “Frenchy” Kerry said today during a speech before the French Chamber of Commerce that “Americans should not be fooled by the prosperity that is a result of the strong economic recovery and the 600,000 new jobs that have been created in the last two months.”
“Just because the Bush tax cuts have stimulated the economy enormously and have led to many new jobs is no reason to celebrate,” said Senator Kerry. “Remember, if you have a job you could always lose it. But if you don’t have a job to begin with, you never have to worry about losing it. I fear that the Bush Administration’s preoccupation with getting people back to work is going to contribute to general anxiety and a loss in the standard of living. We should adopt the European model where almost no one has a job and therefore, no one ever has to lose any sleep over losing it.”
Senator Kerry then announced that if he is elected president he will ask Congress to increase the federal income tax by 300% with the goal of reducing employment to the 50% level within six months. “We need more lazy Americans who spend their entire day sitting at cafes, smoking unfiltered cigarettes, drinking cheap red wine, denouncing America and talking about soccer,” said Kerry. “What’s good for France is good for America. We need economic stagnation now more than ever.”
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Top 10 Weasels.com is where Kerry is Weasel #1 |
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mikest
PO2
Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 377
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| Posted: Sat May 22, 2004 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Amazing how accurate the onion was.
| Quote: | WASHINGTON, DC—Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."
"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?" |
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waltjones
PO2
Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 392
Location: 'bout 40 miles north of Seattle
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| Posted: Sat May 22, 2004 7:31 pm Post subject: the news |
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Great satire guys. Thanks for the entertainment! Semper Fi!
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Walt Jones (USMC, '65 - '69) It says much about the person who defends a man with no honor. |
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