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Rdtf
CNO
Joined: 13 May 2004
Posts: 2209
Location: BUSHville
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 Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:44 pm Post subject: Creation of Liberals and Conservatives; A History Lesson |
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Got this in an email
| Quote: | Creation of Liberals and Conservatives; A History Lesson
History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of
small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the winter and would go to the coast to live on
fish and lobster in the summer.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern
civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals &Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting
around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to
the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the liberal movement. Some of these liberal men
eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jacka**.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists, are liberals. Liberals
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes,
and generally, anyone who works productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want
to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and
created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history |
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coldwarvet
Admiral
Joined: 03 Jun 2004
Posts: 1125
Location: Minnetonka, MN
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| Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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That about covers it.
Time to evict another liberal from one of my self storage units. "They ended my unemployment and I can't pay the last 3 months of rent bla bla bla...."
I call up a local auction house haggle a little bit over what he will give me for their stuff. Then what ever the auction house does not take I pile up in a big heap and set it on fire.
It is all so therapeutic.
CWV
_________________
Defender of the honor of those in harms way keeping us out of harms way.
"Peace is our Profession"
Strategic Air Command - Motto
USAF 75-79 Security Police |
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GM Strong
Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy
Joined: 18 Sep 2004
Posts: 1579
Location: Penna
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| Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 1:19 am Post subject: |
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This has been around for several months. Not new. Funny as hell , but Roger Hedgecock read this when he subbed for Rush months ago.
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8th Army Korea 68-69 |
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Rdtf
CNO
Joined: 13 May 2004
Posts: 2209
Location: BUSHville
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| Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 1:29 am Post subject: |
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| GM Strong wrote: | | This has been around for several months. Not new. Funny as hell , but Roger Hedgecock read this when he subbed for Rush months ago. |
never said it was new! |
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