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Knighthawk
Commander
Joined: 11 Aug 2004
Posts: 323
Location: Camp Bondsteel, Kosovo
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 Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 7:44 am Post subject: How Fat Is Michael Moore? |
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http://www.pasteeaters.com/fat_jokes/How_Fat_Is_Michael_Moore.asp
| Quote: | He’s so fat that:
1. When he was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease the doctor gave him 13
years to live.
2. He has 3 smaller men orbiting around him.
3. They have to use grease to get him out of the bathtub.
4. He has to put his belt on with a boomerang.
5. If you yell "Kool-Aid," he comes crashing through the wall.
6. He’s protected by Green Peace.
7. People use his belly button to hide their valuables.
8. He once woke up to find Sir Edmund Hillary placing a flag on his belly.
9. Vandals keep spray-painting “Goodyear” on his sides.
10. He gets nervous when he hears any mention of thinning out of herds.
11. He can legally use the carpool lane, even when he travels alone.
12. Instead of toilet paper, a bolt of fabric hangs next to his toilet.
13. He broke his leg and gravy poured out.
14. His body has it’s own zip code.
15. His floors buckle, but his belts won't.
16. He has his own gravitational pull.
17.You have to grease the doorframe and hold a twinkie on the other side just to
get him through.
18. Someone tried to drive around him and ran out of gas.
19. When he dances at a concert the whole band skips.
20. He has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
21. He goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
22. The National Weather Agency assigns names to his farts.
23. His waste size is larger than his I.Q.
24. He rolled over in his sleep, and woke up in another state.
25. When he steps on a fortune telling scale, it spits out a card that says “One
at a time, please”
26. When he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house!
27. 8x10’s of him are in feet.
28. When he hauls ass he has to make two trips.
29. When he walks in front of your TV you miss half of the program you’re
watching.
30. His body has its own congressman.
31. His cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
32. His high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
33. His driver's license says "Picture continued on the other side."
34. The back of his neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
35. The restaurants in town have signs that say: Maximum Occupancy: 240 patrons
or Michael Moore.
36. When he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
37. He sells shade at the beach.
38. When he goes to a restaurant, he doesn't get a menu - he gets an estimate.
39. He plays pool with the planets.
40. His belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
41. He put on a yellow jacket and kids tried to board him after school.
42. When he goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
43. They have to use rail-crossing gates when he walks across the street.
44. He wakes up on BOTH sides of the bed.
45. He has to use the Aids quilt to cover up. |
_________________
Regards,
Brian
Beware of the lollipop of mediocrity! Lick it once and you'll suck forever.
If guns kill people, then I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.
Knighthawk's Pictures! |
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Taylor
Seaman Recruit
Joined: 19 Aug 2004
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:08 am Post subject: |
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I heard his new movie will be called, "I Weight 911". lol
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USMCWayne
Lt.Jg.
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 117
Location: Montana
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 3:14 pm Post subject: |
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| He's so fat he make ME look skinny, and I've got a "wide load" sign tacked to my ass. |
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1991932
Lance Corporal
Joined: 02 Oct 2004
Posts: 381
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| USMCWayne wrote: | | He's so fat he make ME look skinny, and I've got a "wide load" sign tacked to my a**. |
Could you post a picture, please? Preferably one with a baseball cap, a la Michael Moore.
You report, we'll decide.
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Former "War Criminal" |
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tony54
PO2
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 369
Location: cleveland, ohio
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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He's so fat that he is taller laying down than standing up!
He's 5' 6" standing up and he's 6' 5" laying down.
He eats enough in one day, that could feed all those starving kids in Bengla-Desh and then some.
I wonder how he'd do as a suma wrestler?
He tried to start a website: "Hogs For Kerry",
But Kerry said no, he didn't want to insult the hogs.
The "Save the Whale" foundation listed him as an endangered species. |
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USMCWayne
Lt.Jg.
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 117
Location: Montana
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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I just had to bump this.
I'm a "bit" weight challenged myself (see above), but can certainly laugh at big jokes as I'm comfortable in my skin, have nothing to prove, and the extra pounds don't keep me from doing anything I want (other than auditioning for the Chicago Ballerina School). |
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Mary Ann Parker
LCDR
Joined: 02 Sep 2004
Posts: 406
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 7:00 pm Post subject: So...What's Eating Michael Moore?? Oops..I mean |
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1) he has to get permission from the port authority to go swimming.
2) he used to be afraid of heights...now he is afraid of WIDTHS!! 
3) has his own zip code
4) his losing 50# is like Trump sending a quarter
If you ever need someone to sit ...around the house.....call MM. 
The fastest weight loss for him is a DIVORCE!!!
Have they made a Michael Moore pinanata (sp) yet???
Restaurants keep an Almanac to see when he will fill up!!
Mary Ann Parker |
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PhantomSgt
Vice Admiral
Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 972
Location: GUAM, USA
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 7:12 pm Post subject: GC |
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When he bends over his Plumber's Crack is sooooo large, Japanese tourists mistake it for the Grand Canyon and pull out their Nikons.
_________________
Retired AF E-8
Independent that leans right of center. |
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Mary Ann Parker
LCDR
Joined: 02 Sep 2004
Posts: 406
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 7:16 pm Post subject: A Solution! |
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Let's put "odor eaters" in his shoes.
IF we can get him to walk two blocks
HE WILL DISAPPEAR!!!
Awh...
Mary Ann Parker |
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blue9t3
Admiral
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 1246
Location: oregon
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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When he swims in the ocean, the sea level raises a foot! 
_________________
MOPAR-BUYER |
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Guest
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Taylor wrote: | | I heard his new movie will be called, "I Weight 911". lol |
 And then some...... |
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DoctorDebug
Seaman Recruit
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 9:16 pm Post subject: |
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My guys wrote a song abut MM called "Hateful Lies" (you can hear it http://www.aath.net/hatefullies. However, their first unreleased song they wrote about him goes something like this:
"Widen the Doors
Strengthen the Floors
Michael Moore is on his way
Chairs will be smashed
Walls will be crashed
Bush will be bashed
on his way" |
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ocsparky101
PO1
Joined: 03 Sep 2004
Posts: 479
Location: Allen Park. Michigan
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| Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 4:30 am Post subject: |
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| I must disagree with point No. 2. There are no men smaller than Michael Moron. |
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