SwiftVets.com

[Navyolsalt]

JOB APPLICATION

NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
multi-millions.

I served in Vietnam (four months).

EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every
law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to
remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my
neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).

MILITARY:

I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an
early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented
by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then
returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and
insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and
were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals,
ribbons, or something away in protest.
Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier",
shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate
with an M.B.A. But I'm a genius and he's a moron.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been
there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very
rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I
served in Vietnam (four months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently
failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets,
thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted
for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted
for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan
to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am
elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he
will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and
have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts,
despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam
(four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper
cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for
sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it
might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served
in Vietnam (four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL

I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a
Serotta Bike. I love to ski, snowboard and wind surf. I call my
Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel".
I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real
culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and
blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
_________________
MACV-SOG 1969-1970
(PCF's and PTF's)

[Dimsdale]

Hey!! You forgot that he was Lieutenant Governor to the despicable and smarmy Mike Dukakis!!!
_________________
Everytime he had a choice, Kerry chose to side with communists rather than the United States.

[Steve Z]

May I add to the "Personal" section:

I am in favor of developing renewable, non-polluting energy sources, except wind turbines which spoil the view from my Nantucket mansion.

I am a white practicing Catholic, but I only preach in black Protestant churches, in the name of ecumenism, since my grandfather was Jewish. I preach that faith without works is dead, but as an enlightened Catholic I don't allow the reactionary opinions of Pope John Paul II to influence my political life. I voted to allow viable babies to have their brains sucked out because maybe that might save the life of the mother. But I served four months in Vietnam, and all Vietnam veterans are baby-killers.

As a Catholic, I am a miracle worker who can make paraplegics walk by using stem cells from human embryos. I support paraplegics, because they can prove points against evil Swift Boat veterans. If paraplegics are not walking, it's George Bush's fault.

I have two lovely wives, who have been generous contributors to my political campaigns. My sexy African-American wife is a bipartisan lover, having married Senators of both parties. She has generously shared her home with me and my political campaigns. She is sweet enough to borrow my SUV's when I'm speaking to Greens, and returns them when I'm speaking to auto workers.

Vote for me this November 2, if not you're an idiot and a *******!
_________________
The traitor will crater!

[Armybrat/Armymom]

Thank you for your application. I will be putting it in my file.






(HEY......WHERE'S MY GARBAGE CAN!!!!!!)