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rbshirley
Founder
Joined: 07 May 2004
Posts: 394
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 Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 7:30 pm Post subject: Deja Vu Humor: Protestor's Escape to Canada, 35 yrs later |
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CANADA BUSY SENDING BACK BUSH-DODGERS
By Joe Blundo
November 16, 2004
Ottawa, Canada: The flood of American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of
President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens
who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill
O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing
their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted
and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance
to show him my screenplay."
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they
wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive
them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes very
ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as
senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.
After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,
Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing
the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show,
we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and
pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals,
a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul
& Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage
stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
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Last edited by rbshirley on Mon Dec 06, 2004 8:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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tony54
PO2
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Posts: 369
Location: cleveland, ohio
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| Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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I know exactly how to stop them thar liberals,
You Canadians need to put you some big twelve foot high Christian Crosses at the borders with spotlights so you see them in the dark, them thare liberals will turn back faster than you can say Van-Pire!
HEE-HAWWW |
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