 |
SwiftVets.com
Service to Country
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Doll
Commander
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 339
Location: The Beltway
|
 Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:16 pm Post subject: John Kerry as Stand Up Comedian |
 |
|
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, but 15 if the blondes are some of our nation's farmers.
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults constituents!
Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults const—
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE LAZY!
Last night I had this dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up, my pillow was gone! I'm thinking it was probably stolen by a WWII veteran and sold for drugs.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Get out. God is dead and religion is the opiate of the masses.”
Q: How do you know an elephant's been in your refrigerator?
A: By the footprints in the ashes of 911 victims. I mean, 911 victims' pizza. Wait a second. Just pizza.
Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A: A teacher who gives blood tests, but remains employed due to the strength of corrupt unions.
Take my wife, please. Seriously, women are useless.
Three men are stranded on an island when they find an old lamp. They rub it. Suddenly, a genie appears and offers to grant them each one wish. The first man wishes to be off the island and, poof, he's gone. The second man wishes to be off the island, and poof, he's gone. The third man says, “Gee, I'm really lonely. I wish the Jews wouldn't start all the wars in the world.”
A waiter brings a restaurant patron a bowl of soup. The patron notices a fly and says, “Hey, there's a fly in my soup.” The waiter replies, “Yes. Unfortunately our chef is Latino.”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To head into the army recruiting office so he could fight in Iraq. Oh, wait. I told that wrong. I forgot to say the chicken was retarded.
Source
_________________
The HILL Chronicles
Soldiers' Angels
"Wednesday Hero - Google It!" |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
homesteader
PO3
Joined: 17 Sep 2004
Posts: 294
Location: wisconsin
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
| These next two years are going to be fun!!!! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
streetsweeper95B
PO2
Joined: 25 Nov 2004
Posts: 365
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 6:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
Anyone know if he's gonna open for robin williams?? 
_________________
"Proud Member of the Freak Show" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
USMCWayne
Lt.Jg.
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 117
Location: Montana
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| The really, really sad thing is, many of those statements actually could have come from the clown prince's pie hole. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Doll
Commander
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 339
Location: The Beltway
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 5:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| streetsweeper95B wrote: | | Anyone know if he's gonna open for robin williams?? |
Actually I heard it might be Chris Rock! 
_________________
The HILL Chronicles
Soldiers' Angels
"Wednesday Hero - Google It!" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
streetsweeper95B
PO2
Joined: 25 Nov 2004
Posts: 365
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 4:45 am Post subject: |
|
|
*smacking muh forehead on a brickwall* dohhhhhhhhhhhhh!
_________________
"Proud Member of the Freak Show" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Doll
Commander
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 339
Location: The Beltway
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| streetsweeper95B wrote: | | *smacking muh forehead on a brickwall* dohhhhhhhhhhhhh! |
Ouch all the blood!
_________________
The HILL Chronicles
Soldiers' Angels
"Wednesday Hero - Google It!" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
streetsweeper95B
PO2
Joined: 25 Nov 2004
Posts: 365
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 11:21 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Where's that justin sports medic? Muh head , doc! Muh head!
_________________
"Proud Member of the Freak Show" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Doll
Commander
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 339
Location: The Beltway
|
| Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 12:23 am Post subject: |
|
|
| streetsweeper95B wrote: | | Where's that justin sports medic? Muh head , doc! Muh head! |
_________________
The HILL Chronicles
Soldiers' Angels
"Wednesday Hero - Google It!" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ocsparky101
PO1
Joined: 03 Sep 2004
Posts: 479
Location: Allen Park. Michigan
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 7:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
Someone needs to give streetsweeper a Silver Star with a V and 3 Purple Hearts for the brick thrown by the Viet Cong as he was trying to rescue a Special Forces Commrade while on partol in Cambodia at Christmas time.
Congradulations Senator StreetSweeper!!!!! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Deuce
Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined: 19 Mar 2005
Posts: 589
Location: FL
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 1:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
We can only hope that Teretza lets him run again...
Deuce |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SBD
Admiral
Joined: 19 Aug 2004
Posts: 1022
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:19 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | Dear John,
A letter to Senator Kerry.
by Noemie Emery
11/01/2006 8:45:00 AM
Dear Senator Kerry,
We have not yet met, but I feel moved now to write you, in view of the latest assault on your honor, and the cruel blows being dealt you by fate. Your life has been hell since the last election, when those hanging chads in Ohio tricked all those people into voting for Buchanan, or Nader; and the fact that you lost the rest of the country by 3 million votes proved that the fraud had been everywhere. And before that were those baseless attacks by those 200-some veterans, paid off by Karl Rove in l970, on the chance that 34 years later he'd be running George W. Bush for president and needed to soften you up. Everyone knows they had no case whatsoever (beyond the fact you were calling them rapists and killers), just as everyone knows how tasteless it is to mock your lifestyle. Everyone knows how hard you work for your money, how much you deserve it, and how hard to must be to find not one, but two women with quite so much dough. (If you were only a woman, people would see your story as the fairy tale it is.)
Even worse, it is mean, false, and mendacious to say that you were trying to call our brave men in Iraq and in uniform mentally challenged, when it was clear as day that you meant this to apply to the president, who ran rings around you when you last met in electoral combat; and whose grades in college were higher than yours.
With this in mind, it's no surprise you went postal. Who in your position wouldn't have? Anyone would have called the president's spokesman "pathetic" and referred to the "right-wing nut-jobs," as you did in the formal statement you put out to the press.
What was especially moving was this emotional note in your statement: "I'm not going to be lectured by a stuffed suit White House mouthpiece standing behind a podium, or doughy Rush Limbaugh, who no doubt today will take a break from belittling Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's disease to start lying about me just as they have lied about Iraq."
How right you are to realize that attacking a disabled person or one who has suffered a serious illness is the worst thing that can be done by a civilized person, so dire that, of course, you feel free to insult Rush Limbaugh, a radio performer who has carried on uncomplainingly in spite of his deafness, and Tony Snow, who has recently suffered a bout with serious cancer.
I am deeply moved, too, by the following statement, obviously regarding the wartime service of President Bush in the Texas Air National Guard: "It disgusts me that these Republican hacks, who have never worn the uniform of our country, lie and distort so blatantly and carelessly about those who have." Well said, as the only ones permitted to lie and distort about anything are valiant warriors such as Howard Dean and Bill Clinton, whose heroic exploits at Oxford and on the ski slopes of Aspen we all remember so well.
The only thing that consoles me in light of your troubles is that you are never without consolations, such as an $8,000 bike, or a $l00,000 motorboat, or a Lear jet, or the five mansions owned by your wife. Get away to one of them, or all of them, and go skiing; or sailing; and feel the wind in your face, or your hair. Speaking of hair, go to Christophe, and get a new rinse or hairdo; this always makes me feel better. Get a manicure, or a facial, or a fresh shot of Botox. Before it gets cold, go windsurfing off of your place in Nantucket. Those flowered shorts sure were cute.
"Life is unfair," as the first JFK put it, and nothing is less fair than the fact that the war-hero gambit worked for him but not for you. Of course, JFK didn't come home and call his old buddies war criminals. And none of the people who knew, or knew of, him ever called him a pompous and self-seeking blowhard who was making things up. Nonetheless, I want to congratulate you again for standing up to those decorated war veterans, deaf men, and cancer survivors who so meanly attacked you, and please keep on doing it. Keep on talking, just as you have, up to and right through November 7, or at least until the polls close in most districts. Come to think of it, don't stop even then.
Noemie Emery is a contributing editor to THE WEEKLY STANDARD and the author of the forthcoming Great Expectations: The Troubled Lives of Political Families (Wiley). |
SBD |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
streetsweeper95B
PO2
Joined: 25 Nov 2004
Posts: 365
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 4:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| ocsparky101 wrote: | Someone needs to give streetsweeper a Silver Star with a V and 3 Purple Hearts for the brick thrown by the Viet Cong as he was trying to rescue a Special Forces Commrade while on partol in Cambodia at Christmas time.
Congradulations Senator StreetSweeper!!!!! |
You are bad sparky! Wait a sec, ya fergot 'bout the cat house mission in......in.....
_________________
"Proud Member of the Freak Show" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
