SwiftVets.com

[Marino]

The Morning Daily News
Huckypuddle, Missouri
by Byron Filiburton III, Investigative Reporter

It was an amazing speech given by Kerry early this am in a pivotal state. Kerry's speech writer passed out during the speech and campaign manager choked on a cracker and liver pate'.

Kerry had apparently been slipped a truth serum by a Swiftie just before Kerry took the podium. Kerry meant to read his usual rhetoric but seemed to have difficulty from the onset. At a point that seemed to be midway in his speech, he suddenly opened himself up for questions.

This is how the remainder of the speech went.

"Senator Kerry is it true you really earned those purple hearts in a honorable fashion?" asked a audience member.
Kerry replied, "of course not! I was planning to get out of Vietnam as fast as my pimple butt could take me once I finagled three medals. I didn't spend one day in the hospital, though I do remember getting a sore throat bragging bout how much I deserved them when I was calling home. I was trying to get a fourth purple heart for the sore throat, but I just couldn't swing it."

"Senator Kerry, why did you marry your wife ten years older?"
Kerry replied, "what? you don't know she was loaded? do you think I am going to pass on a sweet deal like that? how could a calculating SOB like me pass on an opportunity like that? What do ya think? I am crazy?"

Another audience member asked, "Senator Kerry, is it true you helped Pakistan obtain ballistic missles from China in return for campaign contributions?"
"Damn straight!" Kerry replied.

There was a loud fart heard up near the podium. Kerry immediately said, "that was me."

Another question from the audience, "how do you think you might be perceived by terrorists like Osama Bin Laden, if you get elected?"
Kerry replied, "I have been getting well wishes continually from terrorist cells around the world. I have actually received a total of forty millions dollars from the terrorist groups. Of course, no one knows about this since it would not stand well with Americans who learn this. I hope you can keep it a secret."

Senator Kerry are there any American personalities you not only idle but can really, truly identify with yourself?"
"Sure," Kerry replied. He went on and added, "I have a growing feeling I am more like the Oscar Myer Weener with each passing day. Actually, I have been thinking of just wearing a weener outfit when I come onto stage next time."

A few moments after that last statement Kerry was quickly escorted off the stage singing "Oh...... if I were an Oscar Myer weener."
Kerry's campaign manager, having recovered from his choking and coughing episode took the microphone and claimed the person on stage was an imposter and was not really Kerry.
The audience could hear Kerry, though muffled as much as possible, "yes indeed, I have been an imposter for many years of my career.....Oh....I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weener."

[Marino]

don't be an economic girlieman

[blue9t3]

Great post!
Im sure there were others kerry idols,hitler,stallin,castro,mengula,ho-chi-min,pee-wee herman,jerod from subway,ronald mcdonald,bozo, and michael jackson!
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