SwiftVets.com

[Scott]

A: No ballroom.
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Bye bye, Boston Straggler!

[.::geo::.]

I got this in my e-mail today

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Guess Who



This is funny. No wait a minute; did I say it was funny? It's not funny

It’s sad. No wait, maybe it is funny. Read it you'll see what I mean. "



I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it. I support the UN.



I’m against terrorism and against the Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war.

So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war,

Wait...

I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think the San Francisco mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay unions.

I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised Catholic.

What am I?

I don't want to confuse people. I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life. But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm not sure.

I do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a mistake.



I tried to get a draft deferment but was turned down, so I joined the U.S. Navy like the other JFK, and was put in a reserve unit.... but, we were activated and I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam.

I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same. But

I am a war hero. Against the war.

I stated I threw my medals away then I threw my ribbons away.

I then revealed that I threw my ribbons away but not my medals, then lately I stated that I threw someone else's medals away and never threw anything of mine away.

I believe Ribbons and medals aren’t the same thing. Medals come with ribbons,

so now I believe that ribbons and medals are the same thing, besides the fact that ribbons are cloth and medals are medal.

I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover.

But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it.

But sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.



Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman.

The Israelis shouldn't kill

Palestinian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism.

Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter.

I support Mid-East peace.

I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich.

But my family is worth 700 million dollars, has a jet and many SUVs.

I am the common man.

I am against sending jobs overseas. My wife is a Heinz heir.

Heinz has most factories offshore.

I am against rewarding companies for exporting jobs as long as it is not Heinz.

I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock. I believe Wal-Mart is evil by driving small business owners out of town. I am a capitalist and I own part of Wal-Mart but I am a good guy for small corporate America.

I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI. Teresa owns SUVs,



I don't, when I talk to tree hugging followers. I have a campaign jet that gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.



I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections.

I defended a draft dodger Clinton and stated that all serve in their own capacity whether they draft dodge or not.

Did I mention, I served in Vietnam and am a hero?

Are you questioning my patriotism? I served in Vietnam.

My opponent didn't.

I have three purple hearts! I am a hero.

I am qualified to run this country since I served.

I spent Christmas of 1968 in Cambodia, being shot at by the drunken South Vietnamese and the Khmer Rouge, while president Nixon was lying to the country and saying that there were no troops in Cambodia.

What's that you say, Nixon wasn't president in 1968, well it must have been some other president then.

Who was the president that awarded me with the phony Silver Star, it was probably him. Are you sure the Khmer Rouge were not active until 1970, well I guess I must not have been there then.

That’s right I was actually in my base camp in Vietnam at least 55 miles from the Cambodian border and I spent the evening writing in my journal about being in Cambodia. I got confused after I said it so many times between 1968 and 1986.



I am a real hero though, just spend three minutes with the people who served with me and they will tell you.

No, not those 200 plus veterans who served with me and say I lied, and not all those veterans that Signed affidavits that say I am a phony, I mean just these 8 people that travel around with me (my band of brothers).



I am John Kerry.

I want to be your President.

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Har har!!!

[LewWaters]

Got this in email too;

How to start each day with a positive outlook:

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "John Kerry."

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete John Kerry permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?
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Clark County Conservative