SwiftVets.com

[dmackto]

and..Saving The World One Bingo Board Battle At A Time

Early today I was conducting a poll of Florida voters and I learned two important things rather quickly. One, I am surrounded by a bunch of animate rocks passing themselves off as humans and two, not a single solitary voting rock had a clue what Stolen Honor was or that Sinclair was doing a special about it. Having decided that American needs to see this program I decided the poll can wait and called for action. I also called my mother and told her we were going to war. Our plan is to blanket the area with posters alerting all New Port Richites to watch WTTA Friday night at 8pm or be forever Doomed.

I am just back from the first run. We ran off 8 mini-posters and left the house armed with a roll of packing tape and a box of straight pins. The weight of the mission laid heavily on my mind. If we can get our signs taped up in the right places perhaps people will see Stolen Honor and enough minds will be changed. Evil will have been vanquished. It occurred to me we were trying to save the world with straight pins and packing tape.

The first stop was the local Walgreens. Mom guarded the car while I sized up the place. Entry went smoothly but I ran into a snag while trying to locate my target. Seems nobody has a bulletin board anymore! I was standing in the front entrance eyeing the walls while holding my sign in one hand and industrial roll of packing tape in the other. My straight pins were stuck in my W NUFF SAID t-shirt. I was locked and loaded.

Suddenly I was spotted by an unfriendly. A woman with big gray hair and fire in her eyes. She was armed with a WALGREENS EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH badge and a royal blue apron. Our eyes met and she told me telepathically that if I put that sign up on HER wall I was going down and so was my sign. When she looked away I slipped out.

I wasn't about to give up. I stepped around a concrete column, out of HairHags line of sight. I sized up the concrete and decided the grooves were too deep to effect good stickage. Things were looking grim indeed.

No way I was going to admit defeat. Not even if I had to tape the thing to my body and stand in the lobby! As I contemplated our next move I leaned against a Newspaper box and it came to me. Divine Inspiration. Fishing 2 quarters from my pocket I deposited them and opened the door. I carefully slid my poster into the display window in front of the display paper and closed the door. Mission Accomplished!

Next stop was so simple it hardly bears mentioning. We pulled into a seniors MH condominium plaza (aka: trailer park for old Yankees) and hunted down the club house. Since it was BINGO night this was as easy as following the signs. I parked and boldly walked directly to the front door with my pre-taped sign ready to stick to the first flat surface I found. Inside I discovered there wasn't a soul around. I said, HELLO HELLO very sweetly (if not very loudly) and proceeded to stick my sign right in the middle of the big bingo bulletin board! Mission Accomplished!

The Bingo signs had given us another idea. Off we went to find another Bingo hall! Now this being Florida I have to tell you that it is not very hard to find a place to play Bingo. We drove about 2 blocks and saw another sign pointing us to the Civic Center it said "Bingo Tonight". Things were looking up. The Civic Center appeared just a few more blocks down the road and this time I waltzed right in the door with my pre-taped sign and my straight pins stuck in my W NUFF SAID t-shirt. I was greeted by THREE white coifed, immaculatly dressed, bejeweled, perfumed and made up Bulletin Board Guards! Bingo started at 5:45, it was 4:15 and they were loaded for bear. At first they didn't seem to notice my sign and tried to sell me BINGO cards. I used the distraction to my advantage and lulled them in complacency with idle chatter about how lucky I was to have found a local BINGO Hall. When I ran out of BINGO questions I causally mentioned I was looking for a place I could hang my sign and I glanced at the bulletin Board. Six eyes narrowed to little slits and three Ruby Pink Painted sets of lips pursed as they examined my sign. I felt like I was trying to smuggle drugs into an elementary school. Then, the Grand Puba Bulletin Board Guard bristled. I could tell she was the Grand Puba because when she crossed her arms over her very, VERY, large chest the other two BBGs leaned way back out of her line of fire.

She said, "Which party is it from?" You could have heard a pin drop. I knew if I didn't handle her carefully, I could blow the mission and bring doom down on the world. And I knew she wasn't going to be hoodwinked either. It was time for Drastic Measures.

I smiled my sweetest and most charming smile and explained it wasn't either party that made the film but that it was made by POWs of the Vietnam war and they just wanted to get their story told. She gave me the look that says keep talking because I know there is more to it than that.

So I said, "It will have political ramifications probably, but neither party put it together and neither party is endorsing it. That is why I didn't put anything about either democrats or republicans on the sign. We just want people to see the program and make up their own minds."

Silence. She didn't give me a hint what she thought of my explanation. One of the lesser Guards fidgetted. I was in sales once upon another life. I know how these stand offs work. She who speaks first looses. I was silent. Grand Puba was silent. Apparently she was in sales once too.

Suddenly the unexpected happened. The smallest of the Guards stood up to her full 4' 11" statue and leaned over the table. Balancing precariously on her walking cane she snatched the sign right out of my hands! With a singular purpose she marched, and I mean MARCHED, the entire three feet to the bulletin board and she slapped that baby right in the middle. She looked at me and she said, "that'll be just fine!"

I could have hugged her right in half. She nodded at the Grand Puba as if to say, "YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME?" and low and behold the Puba uncrossed her arms and SHRUGGED. And so this is how the world was saved.

The truth was the only way I was getting past The Grand Puba and her Bulletin Board Guards. And the Truth is what will save this country, indeed the whole world from the Evil Duck Hunter. The Truth and a roll of packing tape.

(cross posted from Stolen Honor folder)
_________________
Deborah
The FROZEN CHICKEN Journal

This is no time for ease and comfort. It is the time to dare and endure.
- Winston Churchill

[azpatriot]

WAY TO GO DEB!
Keep up the great work! If you don't mind I'd like to post that with a link tp your site over on the hadeen
_________________
Proud to be an American! and member of the PAJAMAHADEEN
FedEx Kinko's: When it absolutely, positively has to be forged overnight

[Kimmymac]

Dmac--Your post gave me the best laughs I have had for awhile. Absolutely hilarious! Can I email it around to some friends and my son? They will love it. We lived in Tampa when my husband was at Macdill and your stuff about Florida was pitch perfect!

I will also send links to pajamajournal, maybe it will get more exposure too.

Great job, great post!
_________________
The last refuge of scoundrels is not patriotism; it is finicky liberal humanitarianism.--Martin Paretz

[Navy_Navy_Navy]

Laughing my butt off! (Only figuratively, darn it!)

Good to go!
_________________
~ Echo Juliet ~
Altering course to starboard - On Fire, Keep Clear
Navy woman, Navy wife, Navy mother

[dmackto]

[Fort Campbell]

[Somebunny]

Wow Deborah! You are an awesome writer! Thanks for the laugh and good job gettng the word out!

[GiveMeFreedom]

LOL Thanks Deb for fighting the 'good' fight. WOW - you've got guts!
Stick 'em up. Keep us 'posted'!
_________________
-------------------
GiveMeFreedom
http://www.anysoldier.com
http://www.operationac.com
Support our Soldiers!!

[ArmyMedicsMom]

[ILUVTHEUSA]

That was SO funny!! I am coming to the conclusion that I am living in the wrong part of the country (Long Island NY). It seems the southern women have more fun!!! Deb and Kimmie, you are both becoming my idols and heroes! Wish I could be there with you! I tell my mom about this site all the time, and told her I truly wish the members here in the forum were my real neighbors! I know my family and most friends are not Kerry supporters, but they just don't have the fervor that this group has. I have become a news junkie and can't seem to get anything else done. My kids and my husband are my captive audience when I find something new to enlighten them about. My 17 year old daughter has some friends that joined the Marines. She is now in total awe of the military and and has gained the confidence to speak up in school. She and a friend walked out of a "lecture" held for AP U.S. government students after school. The lecturer was "Alan Singer", a professor from Hofstra University who bashed President Bush throughout. The next day she told the teacher that the lecture was SUPPOSED to be about the constitution--not about the professor imposing his anti-Bush views on us (calling him stupid-which I already addressed in another post in the section entitled Kerry “I’m smarter” myth debunked!
by Aristotle the Hun --great article). Of course, the majority of the kids are Kerry supporters, but she did find some friendlies among them and they stuck together--sorta like this group. Thanks again for the laughs among the realities of this campaign!!! (Thanks to 3-N's for the directions for the URL--I think it worked!)

[Kimmymac]

We are the Mutual Admiration Society. I agree, I wish we were all closer geographically so that we could meet in person, but thank you Algore for inventing the internet so we can get together for coffee around the warm glow of our screens.

The bathroom stall thing is a good idea, but is it okay to post without permission? I was in a ladies restroom in New Hampshire and there was an anti-Bush environmental whacko blurb posted there, so I ripped them all down and let the proprietors know. It was a state park, and I told them I would be contacting state park hdqtrs to object. Then I let everyone know President Bush owns ONE home that is very "green" (he doesn't even have central air and he lives in Texas! And Kerry owns multiple energy sucking mansions he never even visits because he is always at spas in Colorado getting botoxed.

Deb, whatever your inspiration, your post is fantastic. Send it to georgewbush.com, please! It is THAT good, and they will love it. I am printing it and dropping it off at the local Bush-Cheney hdqtrs today.

I also want to tell you again how much I admire your fighting spirit! You go, girl!!
_________________
The last refuge of scoundrels is not patriotism; it is finicky liberal humanitarianism.--Martin Paretz

[rbshirley]

[Kimmymac]

HERE HERE!!

dmack, if I ever get to Florida, or you get to Texas, I am treating you to dinner at the best place I have room on my credit card for!

[arkadyfolkner]

Hoorah!

[dmackto]

Oh my goodness.. I have just laughed till I was crying and had warm fuzzies all at the same time.

I am printing my medal and my citation and I will frame them and save them forever. I will put them in my will and insist my daughter display them and hand them down to her children and her childrens children.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
_________________
Deborah
The FROZEN CHICKEN Journal

This is no time for ease and comfort. It is the time to dare and endure.
- Winston Churchill