SwiftVets.com

[rb325th]

♪ ♪ ♪ THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING ♪ ♪ ♪

[Tune: "The Queen’s Navy", from "H.M.S. Pinafore", by Gilbert & Sullivan]

• When I was a lad, 'way back when,
I skippered a Swift Boat in the USN,
I cruised the Nam delta intrepidly,
Was awarded Purple Hearts a bit suspiciously...
(He got his Purple Hearts a bit suspiciously)

I served four months so gallantly,
Now I praise my bravery incessantly,
(He served four months so gallantly,
He praises his bravery incessantly.)

• I bugged out of Nam and became a whore
For Vietnam Veterans Against the War,
I shilled for them wholeheartedly,
Because it would be good for me politically...
(He knew it would be good for him politically)

I opposed the war perfervidly,
I sloganeered against it with alacrity,
(He opposed the war perfervidly,
He sloganeered against it with alacrity.)

• My new "Band of Brothers" selected me
To engage in treasonous diplomacy,
I parlez-voused on the Q.T.,
I negotiated peace with the Hanoi Commies...
(He pandered to the Commies surreptitiously)

My Jane-Fonda sojourn in Gay Paree
Provided aid and comfort to the enemy,
(His Jane-Fonda sojourn in Gay Paree,
Provided aid and comfort to the enemy.)

• In my Senate committee testimony,
I repeated outright lies of Nam brutality:
"Our troops are war criminals, and serially,
I swear, on my commission in the US Navy..."
(He still held his commission in the US Navy)

I back-stabbed our military traitorously
And received fawning treatment from the punditry,
(He back-stabbed our military viciously,
He received fawning treatment from the punditry.)

• I married lots of money shamelessly,
I live the high life sybaritically,
I go first-class--air, land, and sea,
While leeching off the fruit of others’ industry...
(He leeches off the fruit of others’ industry)

Those Botox™ shots in my booty
Purvey my baseless image of virility,
(His Botox™ shots in his booty
Nourish his overweening vanity.)

• I sat in the Senate invisibly,
I opposed defense measures perfidiously,
I lurched hard left reflexively,
While leaving no achievements anyone could see...
(He left no achievements anyone could see)

As a Senator, I’m a nullity,
I play second-fiddle to Ted Kennedy,
(As a Senator, he’s a nullity,
He plays second-fiddle to Ted Kennedy.)

• The Democrat Party powers that be
Anointed my Presidential candidacy,
But minus achievements and claims to fame,
My liberal weenie record looked effete and lame...
(His liberal weenie record looked effete and lame)

We hoped people had no memories,
We hyped my combat heroism cynically,
(They hoped people had no memories,
They hyped his combat heroism brazenly.)

• Those Swift Boat Vets' ads skewered me,
For acting less than patriotically,
They outed my disloyalty,
They're stooges for the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy!
(They're stooges for the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy!)

"Unfit For Command" torpedoed me,
And deep-sixed the premise of my candidacy,
(The pen is mightier than Jean Fraude's sword,
"Unfit" played percussion on his regal gourd!)

• My campaign’s behind, my Swift Boat's sunk,
My boxers in a bind, I'm moping in a funk,
But I'm entitled to the Presidency
For my steadfast convictions and humility...
(For his steadfast convictions and humility)

The voters flip off my hypocrisy
And ridicule my innate pomposity,
(The voters flip off his hypocrisy
And ridicule his innate pomposity.)

• So don't forget, on November 2,
Elect the French Duo, et merci, beaucoup,
I'll employ the "global test"
And put the USA under the UN's crest,
(He'll put the USA under the UN's crest)

With my nuanced noblesse oblige,
Our sovereignty will be exposed to constant siege,
(Stuff JoKe's nuanced noblesse oblige,
We don’t want this traitor to be lord and liege!)


Posted by: The Great Santini at October 29, 2004 04:14 PM
www.scrappleface.com
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U.S. Army 1983-1995, 11C1P/11H2P NBTDT

[Wynne]

This is GREAT! Very intelligent -- I LOL! as I sang it all the way though. Thanks for posting. Gotta go check out The Great Santini!
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TRUTH IS ALWAYS THE VICTOR

[Tom Poole]

Speaking of intelligence, how 'bout this:

Once upon a time, neither the Republican nor the Democrat had enough votes to win. Therefore, they decided to have an ice fishing contest to determine the winner. Simple rules were whoever catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Bush returned to the headquarters with 10 fish. Soon, Humpty Dumpty who had no plan, returned with zero fish. Everyone assumed Humpty was just having another bad hair day or something and hopefully, would catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day Bush came in with 20 fish, and Humpty again had none. That evening, Clinton met secretly with Humpty and said, "I believe Bush is a lowlife cheatin' son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, don't bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating. The next night (after Bush returned with 50 fish), Clinton said to Humpty, "Well, what about it; is he cheatin'?" Humpty replied, "He sure is, Bill; he's cuttin' holes in the ice."
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'58 Airedale HMR(L)-261 VMO-2

[RogerRabbit]

(2004-10-30) -- Just hours after the release of a videotape featuring revered Muslim leader Usama bin Laden lecturing on theology, Democrat presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry slammed President George Bush for encouraging the outsourcing of such video productions to overseas media companies.

"Here we have the most highly-watched video production of the year and yet, as far as we know, not a single American director, screenwriter, producer, best boy, gaffer or key grip made a single dollar from it," said Mr. Kerry. "And they didn't make it here because this administration provides incentives to take this kind of work overseas. When I'm president, we're going to bring it back home to the USA."

Meanwhile, in Hollywood, pundits mused about how the new Bin Laden video will affect Michael Moore's chances for the Best Picture Oscar.

One unnamed industry insider summarized the issue this way: "You've got two big stars going head to head--or ballcap to turban, as it were--with films that basically make the same point. America loves Michael Moore, but the Academy loves to see positive portrayals of religion. The Oscar could go either way."
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"Si vis pacem, para bellum"