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Knighthawk
Commander
Joined: 11 Aug 2004
Posts: 323
Location: Camp Bondsteel, Kosovo
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 Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 2:39 pm Post subject: Diary of a Snow Shoveler |
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I was sent this while I was stationed at Fort Drum, I am sure alot of you have seen it, but with winter upon us, I wanted to share it with everybody here......enjoy
| Quote: | Diary of a Snow Shoveler
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darned stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darned snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE ***** is driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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Regards,
Brian
Beware of the lollipop of mediocrity! Lick it once and you'll suck forever.
If guns kill people, then I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.
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scotty61
LCDR
Joined: 07 May 2004
Posts: 419
Location: Glyndon MN
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| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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There's a phrase we use in Minnesota, Mother Nature brought it, Father Time can take it away.
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John Kerry. A Neville Chamberlain for our times. |
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PhantomSgt
Vice Admiral
Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 972
Location: GUAM, USA
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| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:26 pm Post subject: Snow? |
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It was so hot here in Guam yesterday, 1 December, you could fry an egg on the road. The only thing we shovel here is the beach sand out of the 4X4 once a month. 
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Retired AF E-8
Independent that leans right of center. |
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scotty61
LCDR
Joined: 07 May 2004
Posts: 419
Location: Glyndon MN
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| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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You can shovel snow and be rid of it, you can't shovel heat. 
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John Kerry. A Neville Chamberlain for our times. |
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MassInd
Seaman
Joined: 11 Aug 2004
Posts: 157
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| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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I love that story! It's pretty much right on the money. It reminds me of the couple of record setting years we had back in the 90's.  It seemed like we'd get about 1'-6" every couple of days. The snow bank beside the driveway got so high, it was pretty tough to throw the snow way up there.
We had about 4" or 5" a few weeks ago here in Mass. I love the first snowfall, and actually enjoyed shoveling. It's pouring rain here now - good thing it's not snow. 
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p.s. ( Send it in when you sign it.)
"This is the best election night in history." --DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe, 2 November 2004, just before 8pm EST |
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coldwarvet
Admiral
Joined: 03 Jun 2004
Posts: 1125
Location: Minnetonka, MN
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| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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Born & raised in Minnesota, however we managed to be transplanted to North Carolina for a few glorious years. While visiting Minnesota during Christmas one year we woke up to -26 on December 26 with a foot of new snow. So as a visitor at my brother in laws home I volunteered to blow the snow off his driveway when a gust from the North grabbed hold of some snow and blew it back into my face & down my neck. I verbalized out loud to myself “I will never move back to this God forsaken place”. However I guess I am a glutton for punishment because I found my self back in the frozen tundra the very next year. Oh how I long for the red state of North Carolina the weather in the frozen tundra has become more tolerable then being amongst all of these PC liberals.
CWV
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"Peace is our Profession"
Strategic Air Command - Motto
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scotty61
LCDR
Joined: 07 May 2004
Posts: 419
Location: Glyndon MN
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| Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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Kinda hard to icefish down south. That one of the best things about winter, spending the night in the fishhouse and listening to the ice crack as you wait for the walleye to take the bait. That's living.
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PhantomSgt
Vice Admiral
Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 972
Location: GUAM, USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:21 am Post subject: Tropical Life |
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| scotty61 wrote: | | You can shovel snow and be rid of it, you can't shovel heat. |
I'll remember that on the back nine in February when I'm shoveling my ball out of a sand trap.
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Retired AF E-8
Independent that leans right of center. |
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PhantomSgt
Vice Admiral
Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 972
Location: GUAM, USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:30 am Post subject: |
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| scotty61 wrote: | | Kinda hard to icefish down south. That one of the best things about winter, spending the night in the fishhouse and listening to the ice crack as you wait for the walleye to take the bait. That's living. |
MMMMMMMMMM sounds interesting. I have to say I prefer diving for Lobsters and cooking them on the beach while Bikini clad maidens walk by and ask, “What you are doing”? So you invite them for wine and Lobster while viewing the first incredible sunset of the day on Planet Earth.
Enjoy that cracking ice Scotty.
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Independent that leans right of center. |
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scotty61
LCDR
Joined: 07 May 2004
Posts: 419
Location: Glyndon MN
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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I did the beach and diving thing when I lived on the gulf side of Florida for a couple of years. One of the reasons I didn't stay is Florida has two seasons, hot and humid or cool and damp. Granted the cool and damp doesn't last as long as our winters, But we have our summers on the lakes, fall for hunting pheasants, geese and deer, winter for icefishing, snomobiling, sking and snowshoeing and beautiful spring, bursting with life. Now everyone has their own tastes, but I learned that I'm happiest with season changes every three months. Variety being the spice of life and all that. Right now I'm enjoying my morning coffee while my woodstove imparts a cozy warmth to the house and venison loin chops are sizzling in the frying pan for my breakfast. Life is good.
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John Kerry. A Neville Chamberlain for our times. |
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carpro
Admin
Joined: 10 May 2004
Posts: 1176
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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What is snow, anyhow? 
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coldwarvet
Admiral
Joined: 03 Jun 2004
Posts: 1125
Location: Minnetonka, MN
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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| carpro wrote: | | What is snow, anyhow? : |
It is fun to play in and a heck of allot of work to get rid of. When I worked security out in the 90th MSS missile wing we would have to shovel and shovel and shovel to get the motion sensors to re-set.
CWV
_________________
Defender of the honor of those in harms way keeping us out of harms way.
"Peace is our Profession"
Strategic Air Command - Motto
USAF 75-79 Security Police |
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I B Squidly
Vice Admiral
Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 879
Location: Cactus Patch
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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In my youth I shoveled snow at the front of the house. Now I pick fresh citrus from the back.
The Phoenix lament is "So many snowbirds and so little freezer space." |
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Bystander
PO3
Joined: 25 Aug 2004
Posts: 271
Location: MI
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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CWV, I'm with you. I really enjoy the different seasons. My sis and her hubby got Air Force transfered from Germany to Tampa FL. She has Michigan roots; he, Indiana. We hadn't seen them for two years, so a month later we went down to spend Christmas with them. Right after the first of the year they called and told us to get the guest room ready for next year. Because of the climate, that was the last Christmas they were spending in FL. True, we have to shovel snow, clean off cars, etc., but when in FL, we had to sweep the humidity off the streets. Yes, it was so nice to be able to dress in shorts, not lug heavy coats around, but it just didn't seem like Christmas to me in 80 degree weather, Santa Clauses workin' up a sweat in air conditioned shopping malls, etc. That's the joy of apartment living. You don't have to clean the parking lot, driveway, or sidewalks and if it's bad enough that you can't get out--yippee, a day off from work! BTW, I always make sure to have a supply of diet Pepsi and microwave popcorn on hand--the staples of my existence. 
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PhantomSgt
Vice Admiral
Joined: 10 Sep 2004
Posts: 972
Location: GUAM, USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Bystander wrote: | | CWV, I'm with you. I really enjoy the different seasons. My sis and her hubby got Air Force transfered from Germany to Tampa FL. She has Michigan roots; he, Indiana. We hadn't seen them for two years, so a month later we went down to spend Christmas with them. Right after the first of the year they called and told us to get the guest room ready for next year. Because of the climate, that was the last Christmas they were spending in FL. True, we have to shovel snow, clean off cars, etc., but when in FL, we had to sweep the humidity off the streets. Yes, it was so nice to be able to dress in shorts, not lug heavy coats around, but it just didn't seem like Christmas to me in 80 degree weather, Santa Clauses workin' up a sweat in air conditioned shopping malls, etc. That's the joy of apartment living. You don't have to clean the parking lot, driveway, or sidewalks and if it's bad enough that you can't get out--yippee, a day off from work! BTW, I always make sure to have a supply of diet Pepsi and microwave popcorn on hand--the staples of my existence. |
When I lived in Hawaii all winter long we would get in the Ghosts from North America escaping the cold. I say Ghosts for they were whiter than the snow they were escaping. When they walked out of the gate area and the heat hit them, they kind of stopped and you could see this smile cross their lips. If you ran into them two days later they were redder than Santa's suit, yet they were still smiling thru the pain. When you would see them at the airport on the way out they were now shedding more skin than a giant Anaconda, but they were still smiling. If you happened to catch the same flight with them to Chicago or some other place in the frozen north about halfway to the North you would see the smiles disappear and shock set in as the FA announced the weather and temperature at the arrival airport.
They would shuffle off to the restroom; the leis and Hawaiian shirts/dresses would disappear and be replaced with layers of sweaters or jackets on their return. As they were leaving the plane you witnessed such a depressed group that you wondered why the FA didn’t pass out Prozac at the door.
Of course I was smiling since I knew once my business was done, I was back on a flight home to Paradise.
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Independent that leans right of center. |
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