SwiftVets.com

[MassInd]

A duck walks into a bar, goes to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any grapes".

The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and says, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, 'no, we don't have any grapes.' If you come in here one more time asking for grapes, I'm going to nail your beak to that bar!"


The next day, the duck walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender, and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, of course we don't have any nails". Then the duck says, "Do you have any grapes?"
_________________
John Kerry - Why are you afraid to sign Form 180 and release ALL of your military records?

p.s. ( Send it in when you sign it.)

"This is the best election night in history." --DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe, 2 November 2004, just before 8pm EST

[MassInd]

A duck hung out at the bar, even though the other patrons liked to tease him. They said he comes from the shallow end of the gene pool; during evolution his ancestors were in the control group; he's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together. You get the idea. To prove it, sometimes the guys offered the duck his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always took the nickel "because it's bigger."

One day after the duck grabbed the nickel, the bartender got him off to one side and said, "Those dudes are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

The duck smiled. "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it."

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A duck is sitting at the bar when a three-legged dog walks in. The dog slides up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve ducks here". The duck says, "That's OK, I don't really like duck, anyway. How about a beer?"

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A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says "Hey, get out. We don't serve his kind here". The guy says, "Give me a break. He's just a duck, he won't cause any harm". The bartender says, "Shut up, fella, I was talking to the duck!"

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A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A drunk at the bar looks up and says where did you get that pig? The lady barks back at the drunk saying that's not a pig that's a duck!!". The drunk says "Shut up lady, I was talking to the duck."

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A duck and a string walk into a bar. The bartener comes up to them and says, "We don't serve strings here" The strong looks as the duck and asks, "What should I do" The duck says, "Wing it". The string leaves the bar. A few moments later the strong reeturns looking ragged on top and all twisted around itself. The bartender comes ack over to the string and says, "I told you, we don't serve strings. Aren't you the string that was just here?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a fraid knot."

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A lawyer and a duck were musing about the scandals that plagued the Clinton administration "My life isn't so bad after all...had we been involved in Whitewater, or with Monica Lewinsky, I might be double-billed or you, disbarred", said the duck.

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A duck walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... like a telephone... on his wing and talking into it. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The duck says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my wing because I was tired of carrying the cellular." The bartender says "Prove it." The duck dials up a number and places his wing near the bartender. The bartender talks into the wing and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible", says the bartender... "I would never have believed it!" "Yeah", said the duck, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The duck goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. There is the duck spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt. "Oh my god!" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are you hurt?" The duck turns and says: "No, I'm ok. I'm just waiting for a fax."
_________________
John Kerry - Why are you afraid to sign Form 180 and release ALL of your military records?

p.s. ( Send it in when you sign it.)

"This is the best election night in history." --DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe, 2 November 2004, just before 8pm EST

[Guest]

http://1001duckbarjokes.com/1001duckbarjokes/

[AMOS]

A baby seal walks into a club...........................